Saturday, March 28, 2015

How to do a birthday party

We've been guests to quite a few birthday parties of late and to the enormous credit of the moms who throw them, they have been super great.  It is not easy to throw a party that tiny chocolate loving trolls and giant beer loving adults will enjoy equally.  In throwing three of them myself so far and attending far more than that, I've picked up a few tips to make your toddler birthday partying more enjoyable for all involved.

1.  Preschooler pre nap:  Whether the party starts at 11 am or 3 pm, make damn sure your tiny attendee clocks some serious z's pre party.  Use whatever tactics are necessary to achieve said sleepy time, such as screen time bribes or Benedryl.  Whatever works for your family.

2.  Pre party sexy time:  While the tot is dosing or quietly playing in his room (or really loudly diff so long as is door is closed and he is inside) meet your man in your bedroom, bathroom, or closet for a quick (is there any other way with kids?!) love connection.  This will ensure you are both a bit less edgy and ready to face droves of 1-4 year olds getting their party on.

3. Mix yourself a roadie: After the monumental pile of crap you require to attend a party with young children is packed and ready to load into the car, lubricate your mind like you just did your girly bits and pour yourself a much deserved and large vodka and something.  Could be sparkling water, OJ, cranberry…what the hell ever.  The point is it is odorless, large, and buzz inducing.  Trust me.  Ignore the clock and crack the bottle.

4.  Remember the present:  You went to Target (oh the torture!  wink wink, you love it there) JUST to get that gift.  Don't leave it at home and be forced to return to fetch it.  Unless of course, you are The Man and going back to get it after arriving and realizing it is missing is actually a gift in and of itself.

5.  Eat the cake:  I don't care the flavor.  Cake is delicious and should be consumed anytime it is offered.  If ice cream is also offered, consider yourself uber lucky and spoon it up.  You can sleep off the sugar rush later.

One day you will have other weekend plans, like, I don't know, attending some adult type engagement that involves culture or art or music.  Until then, enjoy the preschool party scene in style and serenity.

Happy birthdays all!

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