Thursday, March 19, 2015

How to Dress Like a Mom


Don't get me wrong.  It's not as if I don't actually do yoga.  I do.  I actually consider myself to be somewhat of a serious yogi.  But in order to justify the number of hours in which I sport yoga pants I'd have to own, operate, and teach every session of yoga at a bonafide studio and well, that's not me.

What I am is a yoga pant wearing, preschooler and infant rearing Stay-at-Home-Mom and it's really easy (and super comfortable!) to look the part.

Staying in?

Squeeze a sports bra over your outrageously huge hogs, flick the dried spit up off that 3/$15 tank top, and slip into your house pants.  Your house pants are the yoga pants that have been washed so many times that the black is a dark gray hue and the crotch sags as if you're carrying a load from seeing you through at least one and possibly two pregnancies.  This is very likely the exact outfit you wore yesterday or maybe even the day before…

Venturing out?

Even SAHM's have to leave the sanctity of their peaceful and tranquil (ha!) abodes from time to time. After all, those groceries are not going to buy themselves and if you don't refill that crazy dog's xanax script soon she's going to eat a hole through the damn door at the next thunder strike, of which there are MANY.

On such occasions you simply need to dig through the mountenous pile of unfolded clothes to find your "good" yoga pants.  Bonus plan…while digging you may just uncover that DVD or baby brush you've been turning the house upside down to find for the last week!  Your "good" yoga pants are free from holes, visible stains, and are still pliable enough to hug your beautiful baby making curves in a very pleasing way.  Slide (or force) yourself into these puppies, throw on a real bra (or cami tank, what evs), and top with a shirt that doesn't smell like sour milk and broken dreams.  Check out that rump in your full length mirror and smile at the fact that even after birthing babies, these pants make your ass look damn good with some kind of crazy compression material voodoo.

Venturing out and actually seeing people you know?

Play dates, happy hours, movie night with friends?  No problem.  You can still feel cool and comfortable without looking like you just stepped out of the yoga studio.  A post baby body loves leggings and they are actually fashionable!  Feel "dressed up" when you pair your leggings with an actual shoe rather than your worn out and torn cross trainers.

Yoga pants and leggings, at least for this mom, are a kind of uniform.  They are my "I can do any mom related work, eat as much as I need to in order to continue producing enough milk for an insatiable baby and still be comfortable, move freely from actual exercise to an outing away from the house and not look entirely ridiculous, and still have my butt look damn good pants".

Weather warming up?  This is the best time of year for the mom wardrobe.  Yoga pants can get on the bench and make way for maxi dresses…oh, the possibilities!  As long as it has boob access…gotta have boob access for nursing in public.  But that's a different post.

Photo Credit Meme Center.




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