Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Just Crutchin' Along


Yep, I'm still on crutches.  Let me re-phrase that.  I'm still on a crutch.  I'm down to one but I think my husband would agree, that doesn't make it suck all that much less.  I'll spare you my sob story, because in the grand scheme of things, a knee injury is pretty minor.  Obviously, it could be much, much worse.   But when you have a three and a half year old, six month old, and husband who is working twice as hard as he usually does (and that is saying a LOT, because he works his ass off every damn day, in and out of this house) it doesn't feel all that minor.  You really long for the return of your mobility and position in the household.

A few observations from the trenches:
  • Grocery shopping in a "Mart Cart" is super humiliating.  The Man could not WAIT to snap my photo riding in that beast of a vehicle and if he ever shows it anyone, I will die.  Do not get me started on how ridiculous I felt when I threw that puppy in reverse and heard the "beeeeep, beeeeep" like I was a freight truck.  
  • Speaking of freight trucks, my ass is starting to resemble a wide load after one plus week in my state of injury.  I feel like a slug and am starting to look like one.  My lack of exercise is also fiercely inhibiting my ability to take any shit from my Threenager.  
  • It is possible to go up and down stairs with one crutch to retrieve your crying baby but when you come back down with said baby, it's recommended that you slide down step-by-step with your butt.  Thankfully, I've had to do this maneuver only a few times because The Man has been incredibly supportive and helpful during this process.
  • It is possible to stay fresh and clean with the use of your beautiful walk-in shower when you can't freaking walk, but it involves a plastic lawn chair and again, a heaping dose of humiliation.  
  • When necessary, a crutch can become an implement to "kick" a full laundry basket to the washing machine, to drag toys towards your baby, or to deter a hyper dog from taking out your good leg in an effort to get outside.
  • The absolute worst idea, pretty much ever, is to attend a Disney on Ice performance.  Period.  The crutches made this worse, but only marginally.  Thank goodness the food and bev wiz's at NRG had the foresight to sell barley pops.  I do not think any of the three adults present in our group would have survived with it.  
I know, I know.  Cry me a river.  After all, I will eventually regain the use of both of my get away sticks.  And I'm getting all the help this family so desperately needs from our loving husband and father.  But geeeez.  This still sucks.  

When will I be better you ask?  When will I walk freely from room to room with a baby on my hip and a crutch stowed in the closet where it damn well better remain?  I can't say but I hope to all that is holy that it won't be long.  

Photo Credit martcart.com.

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